Sunday, March 11, 2012

March 12-18= Brain Awareness Week

Hey everyone! well starting the 12th is Brain Awareness week! Wear your silver ribbon and spread the word!

During this week hopefully I'll be blogging some.

As ACC is a brain disorder, one that I and many others have been diagnosed with- I've chosen to update my blog through the week talking about ACC- the struggles and blessings.

I was diagnosed with ACC almost 6 years ago. That was a scary time for me and I remember praying that God would heal more for the longest time. I kept asking "why me?" and would try to hide my ACC then one day- 6 months after I was diagnosed I realized something- instead of being depressed by my diagnoses I could help others see that they could overcome so much even if they have ACC. I've lived the last almost 5 and a half years extremely honest that I've got a disorder. I tell others and I do not hide it. I try to help many people, and try to tell others that have never heard it before. But instead of talking about the good that I continuously hope to do I think today- the first blog should be about the tough stuff.

As I said when I was first diagnosed I was scared, sad, and I wanted to hide it. I hated my brain. I was afraid people would judge me and misunderstand me and most of the time I was right.

I get easily frustrated- but I dont communicate it well. When I used to get frustrated in school I would take it out on others and only a few people knew that I was frustrated at myself and not them. I hated that I couldn't understand certain things. I would get so mad at myself that I couldn't hide it. And for a long time I was a yeller. Then one day I decided that instead of doing that I would just walk away. This is how I got the reputation of being a drama queen- everyone thought I was overreacting. No one understood that I was just trying to cope with things. I was mocked and made fun of because so many prejudged my actions.

I still struggle with this but I've learned just to breathe and keep as calm as possible. I still get extremely nervous during new situations but I now have a great support system (my boss and my mom) who know when to push me and know my limit and not to push me past it. Because of them I'm learning so much about me- but every day is a struggle.

I hate when people say "well you seem smart!" when they find out about my ACC. I just want to say "I never said I was dumb!" Having ACC doesn't make me an dumb- it makes me someone that has to try even harder to work things out. I'm a hard worker and I like that about me. But I get so sad when people always tell me that if it wasn't for my big mouth they'd never know I had ACC. My whole life I was bullied and told I didn't fit in because I was socially awkward. I was disliked because I was weird, and now that I know why I was "weird" people are telling me that I'm perfectly normal? It's tough living with a hidden disability. That's why I'm blogging during Brain Awareness week. The brain is a fascinating thing. No persons brain is like another persons. Each person with ACC is a different "case." Yes we have things in common but no two experiences are the exact same.

I struggle with migraines, I never learned to ride a bike, I had to work extra hard in math, just to get a D (and sometimes a C- praise God!) I had to study for hours just to get passing in memorization tests. I am a people person, and I am friendly and love to talk but social ques are sometimes a foreign concept. I never learned how to properly tie my shoes, my balance is horrible, and every day is a battle.

How do I attack these daily battles? With a smile and a laugh! Every single day I find something that makes me smile and laugh. I find music that makes me happy and I find a way to find happiness in the darkest moments. Personally I'm also a Christian- and I know not everyone who reads this is but I do find joy in my Lord! I've found so manyt things that help me get through the days and I'm thankful for these hobbies! Find something you enjoy if you struggle with getting down about your ACC.

Another thing I say a lot to my fellow ACCers is: "You are NOT alone! We can do this together" ACCers are a great support system for each other because no one else understands what's going on in our brains (you decide if the pun was intended ;) haha)

I'm droned on long enough for now- hopefully I can blog again later. This week will be a bit about my journey as a person with a brain disorder.

For those that are checking this blog out to support me- PLEASE wear your silver this week and tell everyone you know what this week is about- tell them about ACC- mention other brain disorders or even brain cancer! The brain is a pretty important part of the body and deserves to have awareness about it spread! Thanks so much!

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